Capture the Red Flag

Capture the Red Flag

Rachel Perlstein
October 28, 2018

I can’t date anyone shorter than 6’0. I can’t date anyone taller than 5’8. I can’t date anyone who smacks their lips when they eat. I can’t date anyone who has blonde hair. I can’t date anyone who watches documentaries…

Some call them red flags, while others refer to them as deal breakers. They are the list of “hard no’s” people decide they will not tolerate in a partner.

If you’ve been single for longer than a minute, we’re confident you’ve talked about this with friends, created a list of your own, and have been actively screening based on these often external characteristics.

Now, we’re not hating on the red flag list! It is completely normal, and identifying the qualities of your ideal partner is a key element of dating smarter.  

However, we find that when people dig a little deeper, they don’t know when or why many of the items appeared on their list in the first place.

Today, we’re going to do an experiment. Take a minute, and write down your list (or if you have it stored somewhere, take it out!).

While reviewing, consider a few questions:

  1. When did you create each item on this list?
  2. Has your list grown over time?
  3. Was the list every longer?
  4. Would you fit into any category on the list?
  5. Can you think of a past relationship or dynamic (social, romantic or familial) that is associated with the items on your list?
  6. If it wasn’t in response to a relationship, why did you add each item to the list?
  7. How important to you is each item (rank each between 1-10, 10 being the most important)
  8. What would happen if you went out with someone that had 1 item on your list, what about 3 items?

When you examine your deal-breakers according to these eight questions, you may find that some of the items on the list may no longer apply.  By truly answering these questions you get down to the real red flags and reconsider the items that might limit who you meet.

At a good first date, we believe that understanding the why behind your deal-breakers is an important step in identifying who you want to be with and the type of relationship you seek.  By capturing those no longer relevant red flags, you will widen your scope to people that could be your match.

We can help you refine your deal-breaker list and date better.  Contact us!

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