Unsolicited & Solicited Advice

Scenario:

You’re out to brunch with your crew and you can hardly contain your excitement about your new bae. As you gush, you mention that he takes awhile to respond to texts, but when you two are together, it’s magic. Suddenly, the floodgates open.

Unsolicited, each person chimes in with a strong interpretation about his lack of text game. As you hear their thoughts (mostly negative), you experience a range of emotions- confusion, overwhelm, defensiveness, and then finally resignation. Are your friends right? Is this guy actually not that into you, dating 5 other women, and a total sociopath? Should you forgo your intuition and give up on him immediately?

Here’s the thing. As much as it pains us to write this, your friends and family don’t always know best. We hear this scenario (and its many versions) all the time. Because we love our friends and family and trust them with our lives, we often trust them with our relationships.

But here’s the catch: each person approaches dating and relationships from a unique perspective. Your cousin has a different view than your best friend, than your mom, than your brother, than your colleague, than your other best friend. While their relationship style is true for them, it may not be the right fit for you.

To navigate this, we recommend two things (and neither are to get new friends or family!)  

First and foremost, take some time to figure out your unique dating style. What type of person is right for you? What kind of romantic partnership makes sense to you? What do you need from someone? Have things gotten in your way of sustaining relationships? Are the things you need from someone else healthy and resulting in positive relationships?

Second, and equally important, create a small but mighty curated sounding board. Take time and identify the people in your life that are helpful when you have to sort out a romantic situation.

Do you tend to be more emotional and need a friend who can balance you out with a rational perspective? Are you more logical and need someone who draws more from their intuition? Do you have a friend or family member that is an amazing listener and really asks the right questions? Do you need someone to make jokes and lighten the mood to prevent you from being overly serious or getting too upset?

There is no right or wrong answer, but it’s truly about creating the support network that benefits you.  

Get back out there, brunch freely, and enjoy another mimosa. Is your new dude the right one for you? Save that question for you and your csb.

Want to work on this? Contact us!


first datesRachel Perlstein