court room antics
One complaint we hear is that the first date often feels like an interview or worse, a cross-examination. To this we say: if your date hasn’t done anything wrong, then they probably don’t belong on the stand.
You may be probing without knowing you’re doing it. Here are some examples that put your date on the defensive:
Why haven’t you been married?
Why haven’t you had kids?
Why are you still single?
How many dates do you go on?
How long have you been single?
How’s the app going for you?
We are not saying that you won’t eventually need to know more about your date’s relationship past or dating patterns. It’s totally natural to seek the answers to these questions!
What we’re talking about is timing.
When asked a personal question too quickly, the conversational tone can shift from curiosity to judgment. It’s impossible to know the nuance and context of any action, even if it’s cheating or being scared of commitment. So in addition to killing the mood, this pre-mature information can complicate the post-date evaluation.
Remember: a good first date should be romantic! You’re there to test the chemistry, explore, and to see if you two vibe. If “being able to make each other laugh” is a key must-have, then your in real life interaction should show you whether or not this might be possible.
Often times the ability to speak openly about sensitive topics like past relationships and divorce comes after trust is established between two people.
So start the relationship off in a light hearted manner and discover more about what you two have in common. Have fun and trust that the other person is coming to this date for a potential new start…with you!
Every relationship begins with a good first date. We love helping our clients achieve this goal.
If you’d like to learn more, contact us!